Monday, December 3, 2007

Anything and Everything

There are so many things I think about writing here, but then I think I should keep it to one topic per post and then I can't get around to editing what I had to say in the first place. So I'll just ramble. Forgive me if I bore or confuse you. My head has been in a weird place lately. I am dealing with my dad's impending nuptuals(for those who I hadn't told, my dad is getting married to a very nice lady). I am also dealing with missing my mom, the possibility of moving(since Dad is getting married the house will be empty and it is not sellable in the current real estate market so we may have to take it over), general Christmas and homeschool stuff, absolutely no energy, my tutoring job and my art class. I also have my spiritual life in the mix to think about somewhere in there.
Overall I am so blessed, but I tend to let too many little things overwhelm me emotionally. Getting the focus off myself for a moment, my father in law is facing open heart surgery and my mother in law is dealing with her mom in the final stages of Parkinson's disease. She is currently unresponsive and the only thing keeping her in this world is her feeding tube. Lots of big family stuff going on.
It is around this time when I feel like I am being overtaken by a tornado of tumult when I have to take a deep breath and ask God to carry me, since my legs are giving way. Of course, He always does, even though it may not feel like it. The seat belt, car and rails of the roller coaster really don't do much to prevent the feelings the ride produces, but what would happen to us if
they weren't there? I personally don't enjoy the idea of hurtling off into the atmosphere unprotected only to be reclaimed by the undeniable force of gravity and its inevitable consequences. For that matter, I don't personally enjoy riding roller coasters. I do appreciate the design in them though, how they both defy the laws of physics and yet work in some mystical harmony with them at the same time, all to produce this thrilling exhilaration, or nausea induced vomiting, depending on your constitution. All that to say that in the midst of the rough ride, I feel an indescribable peace and security. Some of you out there know exactly what I am talking about. If you don't, then I'd love to tell you more about it.
On a mostly unrelated note, it is very easy to get caught up in the whole Christmas and stuff thing. I got really upset with Taylor today when I overheard him tell Ryan "If you'd never been born, all of my transformers wouldn't have gotten broken." Taylor didn't really understand the undertones of this comment. I explained it to him, thank you very much. Of course, after that I felt like I have not been the parent I should have been if my kid is saying this. It is so important for us to remember that we are our brother's keeper and not just the keeper of our stuff. At Christmas, and the rest of the year it's people who matter and not the stuff.
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1 comment:

Joanna said...

Wow you have a lot going on. I know what you mean about the peace God gives you and I know he will carry you through these trying times. I love your analogy about the roller coaster. I wouldn't worry about the kids saying things to each other. You are a good mommy if you weren't that statement would not have bothered you in the least. Kids will say things to each other that is awful but when we use that as an opportunity to teach them about loving each other and right and wrong like you did then we have done our job as parents.